I wanted to write a blog about online dating, but as I journey through this world, I see that my experiences are not that far fetched from other 30-somethings on this pursuit of love. I almost feel bad for the lot of us really trying to be normal in this anti-normal realm of glancing, grazing, making quick decisions, trading a few quips, engaging in whimsical discussions about who we are and why we aren’t in relationships currently, meeting up and then…judging. I recently met a man who I thought was absolutely divine, based on our ability to chat endlessly for hours on a vast amount of nothingness that was everything. He was divine all right, until I discovered his lack of empathy, a love of materialism, and a high maintenance attitude that made me want to throw up. Read: He is a narcissist. *smh* I had not the energy or the inclination to explain to him why his perception was so jacked up. So, here I go again. Right back into the world of glancing, grazing, making quick decisions, trading a few quips….you get the idea.
I’ve been thinking about writing an epic essay on why I think online dating is for the looniest of looney. I have been at this online dating for the last two years and have managed to meet the most ridiculous cast of characters in a long while. We all have our ish…I come with mine. I am brash. I am bossy. I am impatient. I have insecurities. I don’t like being told what to do. I sometimes take the long way around. I can be critical. I talk too much. I have to get the last word in and sometimes do not leave well enough alone. I am a spoiled brat. Yea, yea, yea…whatever. I am completely self-aware. In spite of those traits, I have some very well-crafted qualities and I make for an interesting date, loyal friend, and passionate citizen of the world. I rock! The one thing I am consistently is honest. Before I started this journey, I did set my intention. I want to meet a man. Date a little bit. Discover shared interests. Slowly integrate him into my current life. Build a new life. Happily ever after. Somehow, I keep meeting the same guy who thinks that the “dating a little bit” portion of that equates RUSHING into something. I find myself hearing the following over and over “Why rush? Let’s take our time.” I’m confused about what constitutes “rushing.” I have gone over in my mind what I might be doing to give off this “rush” vibe. Here’s what generally happens: look at profile, trade a message, chat over shared interests, exchange numbers, text a little bit, talk on the phone, suggest a meet up…..STOP! This is where I start to get the “why rush?” line. Do you see anything wrong with that timeline, tho? Were there any discussions on splitting assets, going steady or marriage anywhere between scan profile and texting? What I have in mind is meeting up for an hour or two, having a drink, seeing if there is any chemistry and then moving forward, either in a “getting to know you” format or we can part ways. I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s INSANE not to follow that pattern, yet I have managed to meet TOO many men who are scared to move past the texting portion and into the “let’s just meet up and see where it takes us” portion.
“I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.”—Joquesse Eugenia (via surya-bhakti)
Day 2: I am thankful for the lovely Starbucks red cups that carry delicious caramel brûlée lattes. They taste like fall, and since I live in Los Angeles and we have 80 degree November days, this little taste of a season makes me very happy.
I’ve done this on my social media channels for the last two years. Instead of writing what I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving day, I write about thankfulness every day in November. Last year was especially tough. My mother passed away on November 10, and it was difficult to keep writing why I was thankful in the midst of such a storm. Almost a year later, it has not been any easier. I still think about her daily. I still miss her. It still stings when I think how much I’ll have to rely on memory and not actually get to touch her face or hear her voice. I can hear myself saying “I’m doing good,” when people ask me, but my response sometimes serves to make the person asking me feel better, because, let’s face it, some days I am NOT doing good. Some days it was an effort to get out of the bed. Some days I honestly cannot believe that she is not here. I am still grieving, and I suspect I will be for a while. I needed to say that so that this month, while difficult, will still serve as a reminder of what I have in my life to be thankful for and how grateful I am to be here, in this moment.
November 1: I am thankful for my friends. The ones who support me, make me laugh, let me cry, let me be outright RIDICULOUS, call me up to say I was on their mind, call me out when I am wrong and love me anyway. The friends who think of me when they want to see a good movie or eat at a yummy restaurant. The friends who text with nothing more to say than hello. The friends who hear a song and tell me how they thought of me that day. The friends that forgive me, love me, have compassion for me, never feel sorry for me, keep me in their prayers, and laugh with me through my pain. The friends that push me to be a better person. My stylish friends, my loving friends, my praying friends, my happy friends, my smart friends, my cultured friends, my well-traveled friends, my do-good friends, my friends who are mothers, my friends who are fathers, my friends who are teachers, my friends who are writers, my friends who are social workers, my friends who work ANY job, my friends who stay at home with their children, my single friends, my married friends, the friends who keep everyone together, the friends who stand beside everyone, my passionate-about-life friends…to everyone in my life at this moment, we were placed together for a purpose, and that purpose is love. I love you and I am thankful for you just because you exist.